Kim Wilbanks

Happy New Year!

My husband and I said goodbye to 2023 and welcomed 2024 at one of our favorite places — Anna Maria Island on the west coast of Florida. I have spent the last few days, the first in this new year, gazing at the Gulf of Mexico out my window. Some days the water is rough, and frothy white waves crash on the shore. Others, like today, the vast gulf is as smooth as glass. I’ve watched children run and play on the beach (which vexes my dog to no end) and people walking along the shore; sometimes families, sometimes friends, sometimes couples. I’ve even seen a few brave souls test the chilly water. It’s a different view every day and it has been a calming time of refreshment; a good way to start the new year.

I can’t help but think of my dad when we’re here at AMI. This little island was such a big part of his life. All of his summers growing up in the late 1930s and 1940s, were spent on the island. I love the stories he used to tell about when he was a boy running free all over the island which was far less populated than it is now. Then there’s the story of my mom and dad’s honeymoon on the island in August of 1959 when it rained every day for a week. Later, when our family vacationed on the island, my dad taught me how to body surf and the names of all the seashells. And, finally, he was able to enjoy his own piece of the island for about a decade when we bought a home together back in 2011. While I wish he could have enjoyed this place he loved longer, I am so thankful he at least had ten years. I suppose I will always think about my dad when I’m here.

When Change is Hard – Part One

A few days after Christmas 2020, my mom called me to ask me to come over and talk to my dad. She said he was upset and wanted to talk to me. I couldn’t imagine what it could be but I quickly dressed and drove over to their house. I found my dad near tears, almost inconsolable. As I sat down to talk to him, he shared what was bothering him. He kept saying over and over “It just didn’t feel like Christmas.”

It’s true. Christmas of 2020 was a very different Christmas.

Our family had celebrated Christmas on December 26 for years. It all started when my twenty-eight year-old nephew was three. His parents had divorced and my brother got his turn with him on Christmas night. Instead of rushing through a celebration, my parents decided to push it back a day so we would have the entire day to enjoy with each other. It went like this for years, all through my kids growing up, going to college and then settling in their new hometowns.

But 2020 was different. We decided to meet the weekend before Christmas to have our family celebration. It would enable our out-of-town kids to travel on a not-so-busy weekend and then spend Christmas weekend with their spouse’s families. The fear of gathering during a pandemic was still in the back of everyone’s mind so we moved the party outside to the garage. We had a Christmas tree, a wooden sleigh and festive tables. My mom even created a pandemic-friendly family Christmas photo. 

But, it just wasn’t working for my dad who hated change. 

I was able to talk to him and remind him that Christmas 2020 was different for everyone because of the pandemic and that we did the best we could to keep as close to our Christmas traditions as possible. That seemed to help some, but he was still sad that things were so different.

The Biggest Change Of All

I’m not a big fan of change myself but I think I’m a bit more flexible than my dad was. I have found that when you’re living in the empty nest and your children live out of state, you have to be flexible. This is also true when you are faced with circumstances that knock you off your feet. For example, the death of a parent.

I knew this past Christmas was going to be different. Christmas 2022, was out of the ordinary after my dad’s death but there’s something more when you no longer have either parent. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. What I did know was that I love Christmas and I wasn’t going to not celebrate because I was grieving the loss of my parents. 

Earlier this year, I felt like I was coming to terms with my dad’s passing in 2022, and looking forward to a few more years with my mom, when the proverbial rug was pulled out from under my feet. So instead of missing my mom, I was missing my dad too. That’s probably what brought that conversation from 2020 back to mind, in addition to just generally thinking about him here at the beach.

A Different Christmas

We moved our recent Christmas celebration to Nashville, where our son, daughter-in-law and grandson live. With the death of my parents, my husband and I are the only two left in Central Florida so it seemed silly to ask everyone to come to Florida. Each of my children had plans for Christmas with their spouse’s families and last summer we were reminded of what it was like to travel with a toddler so we decided it was easier for the two of us to go to them. On top of that, I simply felt like I needed to get out of town, to take a break from the newly unfamiliar. 

My husband and I booked an Airbnb house one street over from our son. There was plenty of room for our daughter and son-in-law to stay with us when they weren’t with his family. The house was pet-friendly so we were able to take our dog and he enjoyed hanging out in the big back yard.

It was an old house, probably close to a hundred years old that had been renovated. Several streets in the neighborhood were lined with similar houses in a variety of colors. Many of them were decorated with old-timey Christmas lights so it gave you the feeling of being in the movie A Christmas Story, minus the snow. The setting was quite nostalgic.

We had a grand time. We walked over to have breakfast with the grandson every morning. We walked to coffee shops and restaurants and enjoyed exploring the neighborhood with our dog. We celebrated our Christmas on the 26th with Cuban sandwiches and Key Lime Pie like we always do. But, we added some new things like walking through the Gaylord Opryland to see the Christmas decorations and having a private relaxation session at a local spa. My husband and I had our own date night walking through a Christmas wonderland of lights at Cheekwood Estate and Gardens. We went to Church on Christmas Eve and participated in the Lesson of Carols, lifting candles as we sang Silent Night. Best of all, we spent time with our kids and with their other families, the common thread being each making the best of Christmas in the face of great loss. 

And Now, It’s A New Year 

What is it about the changing of the year, the start of a brand-new calendar? Is it laying the old year to rest? Starting with a clean slate? If you think about it, it’s simply a continuation of the life we have been living (about day 23,025 for me, give or take a few days for Leap Years). December 31 isn’t all that different from January 1. Yet, somehow, it is a huge difference and I’m thankful for that. As we face this new year we can look forward with hope and make the changes that will bring us closer to God and to each other. We can enjoy the days and experiences and simple joys of life. We can quietly put the pain of the past year on the shelf, knowing it will never be completely gone but at least set aside for now.

Best wishes for a blessed New Year!

How about you? Was this past Christmas a difficult one for you? Did you have to make changes in your traditions because of a loss? How were you able to make the holiday a good one? Are you looking forward to a brand new year? I’d love to know.