Kim Wilbanks

A Difficult Anniversary To Remember

We passed another milestone this week. It was one I had not been looking forward to—the anniversary of my mother’s death. July 30 marked the end of a very long but short year, and I wasn’t sure how I would react to the milestone. Something I discovered a few months ago helped.

It seems like every day is “International Something Day.” It surprised and pleased me to learn that July 30 is International Friendship Day. As I reflected on my mom’s passing, it was so appropriate that the date of her death was also a day to celebrate friendship. I don’t know if I would have made it through last summer without the support of very dear friends. 

I know my faith in God carried me through, but I believe he used friendships as his agent for comfort during an extremely difficult time.

How Friendships Saved Summer

The summer of 2023 was a long one and a blur at the same time. I spent most of my time at my mother’s house, one street over from my house. I didn’t leave the neighborhood for two weeks at one point. That’s when the friendships shone.

• The many phone calls and text messages to check on my mom and me
• The friend who brought lunch to me many times and stayed to visit with Mom and me
• The friend who visited and worked a puzzle with me, to help take my mind off my reality
• The friends who brought dinner for all of us
• The friend who is a retired nurse who dropped everything to come check on my mom when I panicked
• The friend who showed up on my doorstep with a decadent coffee drink topped with whipped cream just because
• The friend who spent several days helping me go through my mom’s house after she passed
• The friends who continued helping with the cleanup until it was done
• The friends who are also family who would stay with my mom so I could have a break or run an errand
• The friends who listened and let me ramble
• The friends who prayed for my mom and for me—I felt their prayers

My mom died on July 30, but we did not have her memorial service until September 23. I experienced one of the kindest acts of friendship that day that I simply can’t forget. One of my very best friends from high school, a friend I had not seen in years, drove two hours over and two hours back just to be there for me at my mom’s memorial service. It meant the world to me, especially because her mother had passed the month before mine. She knew what it was like. She knew what it would mean to me.

Looking Ahead

I don’t know if it’s all the historical fiction I read or the old movies I watch, but it seems like there is always one official year of mourning when there is a death. I will always miss my mom and my dad. There will always be a void. Something I see or experience will prompt me to think of my parents and to reach out to them even though I know it’s impossible. But there’s something about passing the year mark. It’s knowing that it’s time to press on. It’s what they would want.

Three important things happened during the week of the anniversary of my mom’s death. A book that I had submitted a story to launched, I learned another story was accepted to be published in another book and the publishing process for the book I wrote about my friend’s life is officially in the works. You may think it’s a coincidence, but I think it’s providential. My mom would be so proud—she was my biggest cheerleader.

How about you? What has been your experience with grief? Do you find it a little easier after a year? Five? Ten? Were friends instrumental in your grieving process? I would love to hear.