One night, years ago, when I went to tuck my son in and say bedtime prayers, I found him softly crying, tears streaming down his face. This wasn’t like him, so naturally I was concerned. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying”?
The tears flowed harder. “It’s so hard, Mom! I just don’t understand”.
My son was in the 5th grade and he had hit the proverbial wall.
He was a good student. He did not have to put forth much effort in order to get good grades. Then came 5th grade math. It was the first time that he struggled with anything academic.
I reassured him that it would take a little work but that he would, in fact “get it” and be able to pass the 5th grade.
I, too, “hit a wall” a few years ago. I was going along just fine in my Christian walk; attending church on Sunday and Bible study on Wednesday nights. Living right. But it was that one Bible study that set my wall hitting in motion. It was the book of James. You know, the one that tells you faith without works is dead (James 2:26).
That study of the book of James, a book I read, Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman, and plenty of time to think led me to reevaluate my walk with Christ. Jesus, himself, told us in order to be a true disciple we would need to count the cost (Luke 14). I thought about the cost and had a little pity-party.
“God, I don’t know if I can do this, its too hard!”
Some people are so hard to love.
Some people are so hard to forgive.
Sometimes I just want to sit on a beach and look at the water.
After a time of wrestling with God, I came to the conclusion – its not about doing. I can never do enough to live up to His standard. It is about believing; believing who He says He is and who I am in Him.
After that breakthrough I dove back into the Word and renewed my mind with the simple encouragements I found.
Draw Near
Be Strong
Be Courageous
Stand Firm
Run With Endurance
Fear Not
Do Not Grow Weary
Pray Continually
Follow Me
I’m back on the right track. My son? He has a Masters in Finance degree and works with numbers every day. I knew he would get it.
Kim Wilbanks 
I love this!! What a circle. So like God to take our weaknesses and increase our abilities. Good for you Jay!!
As far as our walk with God, I do agree. I think after situations that happen in our life, we either draw closer or get stagnant but it is a choice. I’ve noticed that if I stay the course, the list you wrote, I am able to face what comes and can remain steadfast and peaceful.
Thanks Kim for sharing,
Robin
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Thanks Robin!
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Kim, your post is truly inspiring! I am climbing daily, the walls of faith, but LOVE the workout! And if one more person tells me I need to start writing…something…a blog, a book, something…I might just start to believe them…and even do it! Thank you for the shove. You are one of my many blessings today.
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Awww, thanks so much! I love the analogy of a workout . . . that sure is accurate! You should definitely do it! I “thought about it” for about a year and a half. The best thing is all of the amazing people I have met through writing.
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