Kim Wilbanks

When It’s Hard To Wait

How many times have you said, “I can’t wait until . . .”  Perhaps, the change of a season or an upcoming holiday.  Or a visit from a grown child or a friend.  Or maybe a special event like a wedding.

When we were kids, it seemed like forever before our birthday or Christmas would arrive. The anticipation was thick and the countdown to that special date went at a snail’s pace. And when the birthday, vacation or holiday passed, we sighed dramatically with the thought of having to wait a whole year before it came again.

That’s how it is with anticipation.

Somewhere between fifty and sixty, I became more careful about wishing for some event to happen quickly. At some point, on the other side of the hill, I became a little more hesitant to make those wishes. After all, the sooner some special date came and went, the more pages were torn from the calendar of my life. 

But it’s hard not to anticipate. It’s hard not to look forward to something so much you think you will burst.

Something Special To Look Forward To

About nine months ago, a special event was presented to us. Our son and daughter-in-law called to tell us that they were expecting a baby. Oh, the joy! It was one of those things I had always hoped for, always imagined but before January 26, 2022, it was one of those wistful “one day” imaginings. Now there was an actual date on the calendar, a point in time we could look forward to.

My initial thought was “oh, I can’t wait to meet him/her. September can’t come fast enough”! Then I realized, “wait a minute, that’s nine more months of my own life that will pass. Maybe I should just slow down and savor the moments, the passing of time.”

So that’s what I did. 

We kept up with the news of the baby. The parents-to-be shared photos of ultrasounds as the baby developed and soon found out it was a baby boy. We were going to have a grandson! Once we knew his name it became even more real. Instead of meeting “the baby” in September, we were going to be meeting Leo.

Well, as time does, it marched on right through spring and summer and then about a week into autumn, baby Leo arrived. 

We were visiting the mountains of North Carolina, strategically planned so we would only have a five hour drive to our new grandson as opposed to the twelve hours it would take from home, when we got the news that it was time. We left our dog with a sitter and drove to Nashville. After locating the hospital and securing a hotel room nearby, the last of the waiting began. 

It wasn’t long before our son walked into the waiting room to announce to both sets of grandparents that Leo had arrived and all was well.

Anticipation Fulfilled

I’m kind of an emotional person so I wasn’t sure how I would react to this news. I thought I might cry or jump up and down or bow in prayer.  When we finally got to go back to meet our new grandson, none of those things happened. The  feeling I experienced was a quiet sense of awe. The tiny little human my daughter-in-law cradled was nothing short of a miracle. He is part of my son who is part of me and so on back through time. All created in the image of God.

This precious babe is the firstborn of two firstborns. He’s the first grandchild on both sides. He’s also the first great-grandchild of three special women, my mother and my daughter-in-law’s two grandmothers. His arrival brings a joy that helps temper the sadness of the loss of three great-grandfathers who missed his birth by mere months. 

As I held little Leo and rocked him, listening to his sweet little newborn sounds, I couldn’t keep myself from imagining what he will be like as he grows up. I imagined him sitting up and crawling and then toddling along. I thought about how, in just a year, we’ll be back celebrating his first birthday and then ahead to visits to the beach and the mountains. I quickly caught myself and brought myself back to the moment — me blissfully rocking my first grand baby while the world stood still.

I do look forward to seeing this little guy again, hopefully in a couple of weeks. I look forward to watching him grow. I’ve been praying for him for months and will continue to do so. I’m just going to try not to wish the time away by saying “I can’t wait until . . .” I’m going to try to savor each special moment I get to spend with him. I think I’m going to enjoy this new season of being a grandmother.

How about you? Can you relate? Does time seem to go by a lot faster than when you were a child? How do you handle anticipation and waiting?