Happy Anniversary
August 29, 1959, sixty-seven years ago, was a hot summer day, the hottest that summer. It was the day my mom and dad got married in Lakeland, Florida, in a small Catholic church. Neither the church nor the Garden Club building, where they held the reception, had air conditioning.
My husband’s parents were good friends with my mom’s parents, so he and his family attended. He still remembers how hot it was. After all, it was 1959, which meant suits and ties for male guests and stockings, gloves, and hats for the ladies.
Mom and Dad were married for almost sixty-three years. My dad died two months before their anniversary. They were loyal to each other for a very long time. Mom and I talked a lot about their marriage after my dad died. Some things I learned surprised me.
How It All Began
My parents grew up in Lakeland, Florida, and graduated from Lakeland High School the same year, but they were not high school sweethearts. My dad said he knew who my mom was, but she said she did not know him. They attended different schools before high school and ran in different circles.
After graduating from high school, my mom went to college; first the University of Louisville, then Florida State University, where she got a degree in nursing. My dad attended one year of college in Alabama, then joined the U.S. Coast Guard with his brothers. Once he completed his service, he re-enrolled in college.
I don’t remember all the details, but their first date was to Jai-Ali in late 1958. I think some friends set them up. By March 1959, they became engaged, and they set the wedding for August 29, 1959, less than a year after their first date. I know that was not unusual for the time, but if I had been her mother, I think I would have had a long talk with her about it.
An Unlikely Marriage
It wasn’t only the brief courtship that was surprising, but the many differences between the two of them. Mom was outgoing, driven, positive, impulsive, and the life of the party. Dad was introverted, thoughtful, quiet, and not as ambitious as Mom. She shared with me that when she agreed to marry Dad, he was still in college, and she told him if he didn’t finish, she would divorce him. Well, he didn’t finish, but I was already born, so thankfully, she didn’t go through with that.
One of the biggest differences between them was their religion. Dad’s parents raised him Roman Catholic, and Mom’s parents raised her Baptist. His faith was so important to him that they were married in his church rather than hers. They had to agree to raise any children in the Catholic Church. Mom went to church with him at first, and they took me when I was young, but it was the 1960s, and the Mass was in Latin. And being a public health nurse, Mom did not agree with some teachings. My dad took me a few times on his own, but I was terrified of the nuns, so that was short-lived. They eventually stopped attending church, and my grandparents started taking me to the Baptist Church.
I did not find out until after my dad died that my mom had tried to get him to compromise and attend some other churches, like the Episcopal Church, but he wouldn’t budge.
We had a great family. My parents both worked. They took good care of me and my younger brother (although they were stricter with me than him). We went to the beach and traveled, often with extended family. It was a great childhood, a great life. But it always bothered me that I didn’t grow up going to church with my family. It was the one thing that was missing.
Playing The “What If” Game
I’ve played this mind game over the years, perhaps you have too: the “what-if” game. What if you had changed one thing in your life? How would it have affected the trajectory of your life? My mom and I talked about this a lot and always came to the same conclusion. Making one slight change would have prevented too many good things from happening.
I’ll give you an example.
I would have loved more than anything to grow up in a family that went to church together. What if my mom and dad had compromised and attended the Episcopal church together? Well, I met my husband at the Baptist Church, so I probably would not have met him and eventually married him. We wouldn’t have had our two children, Jay and Katelyn. And if there were no Jay to marry Gracyn, there would be no Leo and Wells, and I simply can’t imagine the world without a Leo and Wells.
We could take it back a step. My parents were a most unlikely match. What if they had not married? There would be no me to marry my husband, have two outstanding children who would marry two outstanding spouses and give me two irreplaceable grandsons. There would be no younger brother, no sister-in-law, no nephew and nieces. I can’t imagine a world without these loved ones.
So, even though my parents seemed to be an unlikely match, they created a lovely life. I guess opposites really do attract. They enjoyed their lives, making the most of their time with family and friends, and remained loyal to the end. And Dad started attending his church again with Mom in his 80s.
The Way Things Are
My grandmother had a lot of sayings, and one was “Everything always works out for the best”—a summary of Romans 8:28.
And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ESV
Everything has worked out for the best in my family so far. There are things I wish I had done differently, but some of those things may have changed the trajectory of my life, and I wouldn’t have the ones I love most. Perhaps it’s a lesson to be grateful for life itself.
One more “what if” story: My husband is a graduate of the University of Florida. I attended Stetson University, a much smaller college, but I considered Florida State University. One day, early in our marriage, I asked my husband what he would have done if I had graduated from FSU. Without missing a beat, he replied, “Well, I wouldn’t have married you.” That would have changed a lot of things. Go Gators!
Kim Wilbanks 