When Someone Knows Me
“Kim! Hi!” As my husband and I walked toward the Old Hampton Store for our weekly Bluegrass and BBQ date, I turned to see who had called out my name. Who even knew me up here in the high country of North Carolina? I was pleased to recognize the smiling face of a woman I had met a couple of weeks earlier at a Bible study I had started attending. At the same location, the week before, I spoke to another woman from that same Bible study.
Wow. Someone knows me. I belong. What a great feeling.
We all want to feel like we belong. We are social beings and crave connection with other people. Isolation isn’t in our DNA.
Finding Community In New Places
This has been a challenging year for me and my husband. Last December, we picked up our roots and moved away from our hometown, our place of birth, 700 miles north to be closer to our children and grandchildren. It has been harder to connect, to find our community than I anticipated. I guess that’s what happens when two introverts get married.
One of the first things we did was to search for a church. We discovered a church near our new neighborhood with a pastor whose Biblical beliefs were compatible with ours and the friendliest people around! We visited the church for several months and tried out all the different small groups and decided on one we felt comfortable in. Right before we came to the mountains for the summer, we joined. Community.
Since 2020, online communities have increased. I am a part of two such communities, and I love being a part of them. One is a writing community called 540. Once or twice a week, we meet online and work on our writing. These dear souls have become special to me. It was very exciting to meet some of them face to face at a writer’s conference. Three of us Floridians even met for lunch and an outing. The other online community is called Life Mentoring School. It is a group for women wanting to live their best lives of meaning and purpose. I’m planning to go to their live event next summer. While these two groups are online, they are important to me, just not in the same way as being in person. Community.
Our Mountain Home
My family has vacationed in the mountains of western North Carolina since the mid-1980s. My brother attended Appalachian State University, so my parents bought a condo in nearby Sugar Mountain. He stayed in North Carolina after he graduated, got married, bought a house, and had a son. His house was at the end of a mountain road on about 25 acres of land. In 1995, my parents built a log cabin just up the driveway from his house. We enjoyed visiting the mountain house for almost 30 years.
Our two children got older, as children do, went to college out of state, and stayed out of state. My husband and I knew we wanted to spend more time in the mountains during the summer and fall. Kind of like snowbirds, but the opposite. Some big changes in our lives occurred before that happened.
My parents loved going to the mountain house, especially in October. They enjoyed taking friends with them. The more, the merrier.
October 2019 was memorable. Mom and Dad had a houseful. My mom’s sister, who had a mountain home nearby, did as well. We had family and friends come up along with my son and his bride-to-be and my daughter and her husband. It was so much fun! Then March 2020 happened and started a chain of events that changed everything.
My parents joined us at the mountain house in July of that year. They came alone since friends couldn’t make the trip due to lockdowns. The trip ended suddenly with an early morning drive all the way back to Florida. It just wasn’t the same without their friends. It was the last time they visited our beloved mountain home.
We still enjoyed going up and would spend much of the summer and then October. Our kids used the house and would visit us too. But I felt very isolated. Our house was at the end of a long private driveway. There were privacy signs posted, but even so, now and then, a car or truck would show up and have to turn around to go back down the drive. It was disconcerting when I was alone.
My husband and I began thinking about getting something a little closer to civilization that wouldn’t require so much maintenance. And the large development adjacent to our property kept building closer and closer to us. I knew that if we were going to spend weeks at a time in the mountains, I wanted to be in more of a community—a place where we could develop friendships.
We decided on a development closer to Boone (and Publix) that was under construction. It was a perfect fit. Our place was finished in February 2022. Three months later, my parents both got COVID. My dad died a month after that, and my mom the following summer.
A Growing Sense of Community
I am so thankful for our mountain community. We have become very good friends with our next-door neighbors. Last month, a new couple moved into our building, and we have already had fellowship with them. A teenager down the way walks Boone for us some in the summer when his family is here. We know all the dogs, who they belong to, and where they are from. We know who is going back to Florida for the winter and when they are leaving. I learned that one of the regular walkers (and a big fan of Boone’s) goes to the church we attend in Boone. I’m not afraid to be alone here. Community.
Another big step toward community for me has been joining BSF, a Bible study in Boone. (I chose this particular Bible study because I will be able to transfer to a group in Tennessee later this month). There are three small groups within one larger group. Two of the ladies in my small group are from Florida, very close to my hometown. Those two ladies plus the leader of our group attend the church we attend. Now, when I go to church in Boone, it’s not just a sea of faces. There are people I know and people who know me—well enough to shout hello across a parking lot. Community.
How about you? Is community important to you? Have you ever been in a situation where you have had to build a new community? I’d love to hear.
